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Unexplained Necessities

Something I have been thinking about a lot lately - and a response to a conversation I had yesterday with another artist who felt the same way...

Artists often feel compelled to create things that don't demand to be created - other than to scratch their own itch, satisfying some unexplained compulsion. Often it's to see something tangible that only exists in their head, sometimes it's a response to the world around them. It can be a myriad of prompts, but creators gon' create! 

I think when I get too focused on where I will be showcasing work, and how I will show it, I start to get stuck in my head about why people NEED to see it. Often that's not a question I can answer. But when I consider the entirety of my creative experiences and what they do for my life, it makes me realize that the answer is within the question. It needs to exists because I felt a need to make it, and its existence serves me - even if it serves no one else. 

 But chances are, if I needed to see something this bad, then someone else needed to see it too, or it would at least be a catalyst for some necessary dialogue. I feel that my creative life should show up in ways that don't first require me to explain why. If I create, then it should be somewhat rare that my consumption is not affected, or "polluted" by my own creative process. The home I rent or buy should look like MY home, the clothes I buy should look like MY clothes, I should have writings, music, and performances that speak to my vision of the world, and make it very clear WHY these things needs to exist. The existence of anything I can and will create should be as absolutely necessary as my own existence...

Because you know what?! I do not NEED to exist, but I'm here, and I'm sure as hell going to behave like the world needs me!

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In The Right Direction...

I always know "the next step", that's never been the problem. The difficulty is embracing the direction I need to go. Stepping out a place that is very comfortable (for better or worse), when I only know where I'm placing my next step.

Knowing you're on the right path is a fortunate thing, and I do believe I'm headed in the right direction. But it's a struggle to face my fears. I guess I have to struggle then. There's work to do, and places to go! Everything I want is on the other side of fear. 

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FUCKIT.

Life is Good. So why is this the first image I shoot with a camera that was bought with gifted funds? I think this image is a part of my happiness. With so many positive things happening for me that deserve my attention, I don't have the energy to deal with the lemons life sometimes hands me. There are certain things that lie outside of my control and I refuse to give them much of my attention. Why should I? I can't change them - at least, not as quickly as I'd like to. I keep my head down and try to focus on what's working for me. When something doesn't work for me, I just look at it as something that shows a skill I need to learn. Know better. Do better. "Fuck The Rest!"

Mentally, I'm always waiting for the bottom to drop out. So I won't let anything less than The Trials of Job bring me down. 
 

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unapologetically beautiful...

i won't apologize for my beauty. i am magical. i like to wear wigs, but not right now. i like makeup, but not right now. i am intelligent. i am fascinating and alluring. i don't need to dress it up. 

i love myself. i love my ability to make decisions. I love to push myself beyond my comfort zone. I know not everyone understands all of my decisions. it's cool. i don't always understand theirs. i won't apologize. maybe my choices will inspire you. i hope my choices make you value your own.

choose to enjoy life. choose to learn. choose to challenge yourself. choose to challenge others. choose to be safe.

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i will choose to look you in your eye. i refuse to be ashamed of myself. in this moment, i choose to be bare. i choose to be vulnerable. i won't leave this to the imagination. i don't need you to be imagining this.  imagine me wearing makeup. imagine what books i'm reading. imagine what type of music i like. imagine how you might bring a smile to my face today. imagine how you can inspire me. imagine how you can make our world a more beautiful place.

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