Test Drive Your Dreams

It was recently brought to my attention that I really don’t allow myself to get excited about much. I protect myself from disappointment, by keeping my expectations low. Too often, I live my life being comfortable with the bare minimum. It is infrequent that I think in terms of possibilities and excitement. Part of this is a personal coping mechanism that I have perfected. Also, growing up, I got a lot of messaging telling me this was somehow virtuous. But I see that it has not only steered me away from living a life that reflects what I feel I am capable of, but it also steers me toward self-destructive behavior.

Unlearn behaviors… STOP limiting yourself.

I need to allow myself to be excited by the possibilities in life! With childlike excitement, I want to get back to imagining the most amazing version of my life, and the things in it. I know that part of what will help me do this, is making a point to identify what I want, and visualizing it. In a few areas of my life, I have already experienced how having a “compelling vision” for my life creates excitement, and helps me overcome the fear of change, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, fear of success. Being able to see clearly - in my mind’s eye - exactly what it is that I want, has made it incredibly easy for me to progress in new directions.

Another thing that I’ve realized is that I don't have to be able to fully actualize my dreams before I can have a taste of things I want. It reminds me of a test drive, or an open house. These experiences are excellent selling tools, because they get ALL of your senses involved. When you test drive a car, or walk through a staged model home, you are being exposed to as much sensory information as possible. Being able to experience the thing makes it more real, and intensifies your desire for it! Not only do you get to feel the experience, you can decide whether it’s really what you expected it to be, or if you need to tweak it in certain ways to make it perfect for you. Contrary to popular belief, I’m learning that nothing has to be an eternal commitment. And I can experience the thrill of an experience well before I am able to achieve it in its fullest form. I can stay in various hotels and Airbnb’s to see exactly what amenities, layouts, and locations bring me the most joy and pleasure. I can test drive my dream car to see if it handles the way I like, or what features give me a thrill. I can have clarity on which parts of experiences bring me pleasure, and what things diminish my enjoyment.

I have decided to Test Drive My Dreams. I’m compiling a list of things that I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m also making notes of small ways to taste the experiences I want to have. It will help me get clear about what I really want, and it will give me the satisfaction of experiencing my dreams today - instead of deferring them until I’m in a completely different place financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

I intend to share some of these experiences here, so I hope you will follow along with the journey. Perhaps you will be inspired to Test Drive Your Dreams as well!

Body Of Clay f/Kendy

I love photographing nudity as an extension of nature!
Reading some elementary school info about why dirt is so important (and beautiful) took me back to my shoot with Kendy.

“Dirt, or soil, is a mix of eroded rock, mineral nutrients, rotting organic matter, water, air and lots and lots of small living organisms.

Looking closely at dirt, not all dirt is the same. If you cut down into the soil, you would see many layers. 

The topsoil layer is made up of rotting organic matter from the litter layer and minerals from rocks that are weathering and breaking down over time into little bits. The rotting organic matter helps the soil hold water so it is good for growing plants. In turn, growing plant roots anchor the topsoil and keep it from being blown and washed away by weather.

The top two layers are very important to life on Earth. They are full of living things like earthworms, insects, fungi and bacteria. Every inch of soil is full of living things. One scoop of soil can have millions of bacteria and other helpful microorganisms that are busy decomposing leaf litter into usable nutrients. The nutrients dissolve in the water in the soil and the trees and plants suck them up into their roots and use them to grow.

The most fertile soil is dark and crumbly and looks a lot like a rich chocolate cake.

Dirt is the very base of life on Earth because it has most of the important nutrients in which plants need to grow. Those plants in turn feed animals and us. So really, the nutrients in the soil will someday end up in you!

CHD:WCK! X HOLLIS AUSTIN 2018

(NSFW)
I’ve been sitting on this way too long!

HOLLIS AUSTIN is an amazing lettering artist and sign painter, currently based in New Orleans, LA. Back in late 2018, when we were studio mates, Hollis decided to make some fun, affordable, wearable art for those who would be passing by her studio during an event. She hand-painted a bunch of fun phrase necklaces, and when I saw them, I just knew I had to photograph them draped ALL over a voluptuous nude figure.

Below is the result. I hope you enjoy!

Check out more of Hollis’ work at www.austinlettering.com

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OVER-EAGER ABOUT WHAT?!

I have had interactions in real life where I run into people I haven’t seen or heard from in years, and they’ll say to me, “I’m loving what you’re sharing on (social media platform) with (insert recent creative projects…).”
I’ve also heard friends express fear of telling someone how much they love their work, stating “I don’t want to seem weird.” And I think to myself, ‘Weird about what? This person does a thing, and they share it with the world. You genuinely love it! Why would that be weird?’
So on Instagram, I decided to pose a question:

”Do you ever feel like enthusiastically telling someone how much you like what they do, makes you look over-eager?”

When the poll ended, with 80 people responding, nearly 60% percent said that they felt strange about expressing honest love or appreciation for people’s work. While I suspected I might get this response, it hurt me to the core.

WHY? If you genuinely love what someone does, why wouldn’t they want to know that? Most creatives regularly fluctuate between a reasonable level of confidence to crippling self-doubt. Western Society is especially guilty of undervaluing the importance of music, visual art, and literature. While we constantly consume these things and refer to them as our culture, we discourage people for pursuing their passions to contribute in these areas. Corporate Executives make a living exploiting the work of creatives, while encouraging the labeling of creatives as “Starving Artists”. Even many successful artists regularly struggle over whether they should continue, whether what they’re doing is worth all the hard work that goes into it.

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!!!
If someone is doing something, and it makes you feel good, you think it’s done beautifully, or you see it as valuable, PLEASE LET THEM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT! Knowing that we’re doing something that matters helps keep artists going. Most artists create because something internal compels them to create something they may personally NEED to see. They share their work in hopes that others connect with it as well, and perhaps people will purchase the works, which will enable them to keep creating from an honest space.

The importance of an artists work is not always reflected in sales. But knowing that people appreciate the work being made gives an artist fuel to continue investing in themselves, to continue being vulnerable and honest with the world, and to continue sharing the beauty they create! Never feel weird in telling someone how much you appreciate what they do!

I AM ALREADY ENOUGH...

Note to Self:

I am abundant in my ability to create Value.

• I have enough materials

• I have enough ideas

• I have enough connections

• I have enough energy

• There are infinite possibilities I don’t even know about

• I have enough knowledge to get started

• I have enough intelligence to ask good questions

• I have an abundant capacity to learn

• I have enough help

• I have the capacity to ask for more help

Smelling The Roses

When I first picked up a camera, I did what I could without the assistance of others - I walked around and took pictures of anything that seemed interesting.

Living in East Orange, NJ, I would start in my neighborhood, go toward Newark or New York City, and photograph whatever caught my interest along the way. I would take pictures of cracks in the sidewalk, dilapidated walls, neglected buildings , foliage growing out of unexpected places, rusty mailboxes, and sometimes random people on the street. I photographed things that inspired me, like graffiti, odd phrases, or things that seemed to have a different meaning when I could isolate them from their surroundings.

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As I worked to develop my skills photographing people, my photographs of inanimate objects got neglected, when really the strength of my people photography, is that I “objectify” my subjects, I photograph them as if they were beautiful, interesting objects.
I came to realize that really, what feeds my soul is focusing my photographic eye on textures and forms, and the neighborhood photowalks are really something that I miss.

More recently, I realized that, for me, photography is a way to slow life down. As the years go buy, looking back through my photographs helps me remember “where the time has gone.” It reminds me of moments and places I’ve seen but forgotten. It reminds me of people I’ve met. It reminds me of venues and communities that no longer exist. It reminds me of relationships I’ve enjoyed with people, good times I’ve had.

In a way that is similar to how smells can trigger memories, photographs - even the ones of simple things, help me recall experiences and places that I had forgotten. Having more memories makes life feel full again. It feels less like my life is speeding past me.

It is very satisfying to use my camera to “stop and smell the roses".

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Her Name Means "LOVE".

“Cool…. Just like her… syncopated cacophony. Powerful, bold, smooth, pushing boundaries, beauty!”
- Karen Young

IFE - While capturing the beauty of this bold and radiant young woman, I asked a few questions about her passion for dance.

Why is dance magical?
Dance is magical because it transcends the physicality of the dancer. To see someone dance is to experience their truths, histories, identities, epistemology. It is raw, organic and unforgiving.

What impact do you want to have on the dance community?
I want to provide access and professional opportunities to/within the arts, especially for black and brown bodies.

Who is your favorite famous dancer?
Currently, my favorite choreographers are Parris Goebel and Chris Gayle.

Who is your favorite local dancer?
Locally, my favorite is LeDarius Parker (Greensboro).

What Opportunities have come with being a full-figured dancer?
Opportunities that have been pre-professional work, attending the inaugural MFA Dance Program at Duke University, running my own company that travels and performs showcasing physical inclusivity in dance, teaching - getting to guide people to a fuller version of self.

What myths would you like to dispel for full-figured dancers?
Plus-size/full-figured women are able to do whatever the fuck they want to do! Intentionally. Confidently. And without need of approval.

See more of Ife here.

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A Handful of Flaws...

My goal is to read 12 books this year. So far, I’ve finished one book that I started in December, and I started a new book that I learned of from The Tim Ferris Show podcast. The book is The One Thing, and the author is Gary Keller, founder of Keller Williams Realty.
I may do a book report when I complete the book, but I wanted to share something that I thought was simple, and hopefully useful.

One of my goals this year is to read 12 books. Maybe I should do Book Reports.

Typically, with self-improvement, I strive to focus on building new positive habits, and the books drops some gems about making it easier to build good habits. But this sentence struck me in an interesting way:
“A pioneer of quality-control management, [Joseph M.] Juran had noticed that a handful of flaws would usually produce a majority of the defects.”

The focus of the chapter was basically, the Pareto Principle, efforts, and results, but this sentence struck me, because it got me thinking in the opposite way I’m usually working.

If a handful of flaws produced a majority of the defects, what if in life, we first aimed to set up little actions or systems to eliminate the habits that don’t serve us? For me, a lot of times I try to develop a useful habit that may be difficult to train, but what if instead, I first worked on ways to make it hard for me to make certain bad decisions.

Examples:
- SPENDING LESS TIME ON MY PHONE is a worthy goal, but what if I 1.) Buy a watch (My Father would be happy to hear this, which will be a blog post when I buy a watch). A watch would help because right now, I have to pick up my phone to keep track of time. 2.) Only put the interesting apps on my iPad (which stays in my studio) 3.) Keep magazines in the bathroom (so i have something to look at other than Instagram)
- DRINKING A GALLON OF WATER DAILY would be nice, but what if I bought Sparking Water or tea (which, for me, makes it easier to drink less beer.)

And perhaps I’m just thinking about it in reverse, but the thought is, if I first focus on making it harder to make bad decisions, significant improvements can come before I’ve accomplished the challenging work of building a “positive” habit. And perhaps that improvement can give the momentum to build better habits. I’ll give it a shot and let you know how it’s going.

In A Bit Of A Funk...

Some random lines, and familiar text work. It feels good.

I haven’t created anything with my hands in over a month. I’ve been shooting with my camera (which has been fun). I’ve organized my studio (which feels liberating). And I’ve given a lot of thought to how I want to move forward in my creative life. But as far as the process of creating with my hands, I’ve been blocked. So today, I’m wanting to be in the studio and to do SOMETHING. No plan. No concern with results. Just do some shit. Pick up a brush and marker, and put some marks down.

The image above was the first thing. It feels good. I’m going to continue for the evening.

Taking My Inner Artist On A Date

I don’t fancy myself a musician, but I love music. And often, the process of creating music is the way my mind connects to creating visual art. I can have much longer conversations about musicians and their process than I can visual artists.

For a long time I’ve wanted to “tinker with sound”. Not necessarily make music with any grand ideas, just be able to come home after a long time and put together sounds that captured the essence of a day that I’d enjoy listening to later.

More recently, I’ve also wanted to start an informal podcast. Just something where I get to talk to people I like, share an experience, and record the conversations.

So for my Artist Date, I went to Sam Ash off Tyvola Rd., in Charlotte, NC,

Here are some things I learned from the experience.

• I like the knobs, dials, and craftsmanship of instruments and audio equipment.

• I was nervous about taking pics in the store (I know why, but that shouldn’t matter. You can ask me about that if you want to know)

• I don’t know anything about music (so it makes me want to research specific equipment and learn more. Inspiration)

• Ask “stupid” questions. It’s an easy way to engage people.

• Approaching people as an complete amateur allows people to be an expert and if they know what they’re talking about, that enjoy that.