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4 Things My Newsletter Is Teaching Me

A month ago, I pulled the trigger and finally started a newsletter. The goal was to share it twice a month, and tomorrow, the fourth newsletter will go out on time! When people ask me, “What’s new?” the thing I’m most excited to talk about is my newsletter. There are quite a few things using this new tool has helped me appreciate, and here are four lessons that my newsletter has taught me.

Engage your core (audience)

My newsletter allows me to speak to the people who love what I do. It’s exhausting fighting an algorithm to get 10% of your followers to see your posts. With the newsletter, the majority of the subscribers open the content and see what I am most excited to share! Also, social media is great for introductions, but the space doesn’t give a lot of room for engagement with depth. When people are paying attention, I want more effective ways to offer a deeper connection. Being able to speak to people and direct them to more substantial content is a big advantage of my newsletter. I love using it to link people to my website or other platforms where I can share more substance.

Align yourself with the space

Why are people on social media? I know for myself, I'm just usually trying to find some way to connect. I usually open it when I’m bored. Occasionally, I get on there looking for something specific, and usually end up getting distracted. For me, that’s what social media is - a seemingly pleasant distraction. That's not how I want my art to be consumed. My newsletter lets me be more intentional about where and how I share my art and my process. I still enjoy introducing myself to people on social media, and sharing pleasant distractions, but that is not primarily how I want to share my creative work.

Quality over Quantity

I don't know if you find social media overwhelming, but I do. We're fighting for each other's attention, and social media platforms are designed that we have to make noise to be heard. As a friend recently shared, when we sit back and pause, really we're all just screaming at each other. I’m not trying to go viral. I don't want to come up with 90+ posts a month. My newsletter is my opportunity to share a few things that matter most to me, with the people who care about it. I hope I pop up less in your social media feed. I also hope when you see my newsletter, you are excited to see what I'm sharing. I want to be heard, but I have no interest in adding to the noise.

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It can be said that "everything is content". But less time on social media gives me more time to work on my art. It also frees up my mental space. Having more time to sit with my thoughts and feelings makes me realize how big a part of my process they are. And while it doesn't make me want to post every thought in a feed, it does make me want to find meaningful ways to document my story and share my process.

A mantra for this year is “Do one small thing consistently, watch something big happen”. This definitely applies to my newsletter. Although it feels like it took me forever to follow through, sharing my newsletter with consistency has been incredibly rewarding. I feel like it gives me momentum to grow in significant ways. If you're in business or striving to connect meaningfully with others, I encourage you to take charge of your communication platform. Build an email list, use your website more fully, and perhaps, start your own newsletter.
If you haven’t already, please subscribe to follow along with my journey.

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Seeing My Reflection In My Bare Hands

 

The beginning of the end of my 30s.

On the last birthday of my 30s, I decided to share a series of nude self-portraits on my Instagram page. At the time, I had been photographing others nude for more than a decade, but I had almost never shared images of myself. In sharing these images of myself, I wanted to do two things. First, I wanted to show that the bare, vulnerable way that I love photographing others, was something I am willing to turn the camera around and do for myself. I also wanted to document a level of acceptance of my body as I am getting older.

I enjoy photographing the nude figure. When photographing others in a bare and vulnerable way, it’s fairly easy for me to approach it with an appreciation for the body as an object of beauty, and something to be celebrated creatively. My approach is generally to document the figure without pretense, expose the beauty of imperfections, and celebrate people as they are! Sometimes it can be a way to challenge myself, and beautiful norms. I enjoy the opportunity to engage people’s vulnerability, and play with angles, light, and shadows to make interesting images and share the beauty of others as I see it. 

While I am willing to make my own body available in the same way, I find myself lacking a fixed perspective. While it’s easy for me to see others as art, and document something uniquely beautiful, I often perceive my own body as simply the vehicle I use to get around. In regard to my own beauty, I struggle to see myself as more than a genetic combination of the two beautiful people who made me, with the moderate slender build of someone who eats too much pizza, drinks a lot of beer, and rarely exercises. I don’t put a lot of effort into my physical appearance. Even when I’m complimented on my hazel brown eyes, the thought in my head is, “I rarely see, or notice them. I’m honestly more impressed that I have 20/20’ish vision, and don’t yet need corrective lenses.”

I appreciate the functionality and form of bodies, including my own, but I struggle to perceive my body through the same artistic lens I see others. But still, I am intrigued by the challenge of viewing my body as a subject for artistic exploration and creativity, and I am eager to explore this idea further through photography. 

As I approach my 44th birthday, already half a decade since I posted those self-portraits on Instagram, I am overwhelmingly aware of how much uncertainty accompanies this creative endeavor. I have no solid ideas how I’d like to see myself. I am completely unsure of how to pose or present myself in the photographs. But I am drawn to the potential benefits of celebrating myself with my camera, as I have celebrated many others. This project is a means of self-exploration and acceptance. By confronting my body through the lens of photography, I hope to build a clearer understanding and appreciation of myself. Ultimately, this journey represents a quest for self-discovery and self-expression, as I navigate self-identity through my creative practice.

 

Keepin It 100

Often, I find myself propelled towards ideas without a clear end result. An artist friend, Laurie Smithwick, has helped me appreciate that approaching new ideas in a series of 100 can be a great way to get into a flow state. Create a body of work without any set expectations. Just enjoy following my creative inclinations, reserving judgement until a substantial amount of work is completed. Taking this approach will allow me to learn without the burden of external pressures, something that is very important to me as I navigate this phase of my creative journey.

I aim to embark on two series of 100 creations:
100 textured small works, and 100 nude self-portraits.

Regarding the nude series, I want to photograph myself nude. I like photographing others in a bare state, showing them as I see them, but I rarely capture my own likeness in the nude. Part of the reason is, self-portraits are considerably more difficult, especially for me to photograph myself the way I capture others. Also, I am unsure how I see myself.

I am uncertain of my intentions, perceptions of myself, or the fate of these images, but capturing 100 images of myself that I like - just to do it - seems like an "easy" approach to figuring some things out.

Similarly, for a few years, I have created some small works driven by my fondness for texture and words. That fondness now demands deeper inquiry. While making these monoprints offers simplicity, it lacks the challenge I crave.

As I contemplate refining and enlarging these works, I recognize the need for growth and complexity. This year, I'm going to engage my texture project as part of the #100dayproject. I'm going to start with “one small thing”, hoping it grows into something larger than I can imagine! I would like an accountability partner, and I'm hoping that will be you! I do not seek a critique right now, but I do welcome your engagement, making sure I show up! I've set up this page to share daily progress, and I'll drop a link in the notes on substack, occasionally sharing something I'm learning in the process of developing this work.

I really appreciate you being here. I hope you'll stay!


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Ribbonwalk Nature Reserve

I am trying to think of things that would be good, or extremely uncomfortable to enjoy alone.

This week, I leaned more heavily toward good. I decided to get out into nature. I do enjoy hiking, but I rarely go hiking, and never hiking alone. So I did something to change that. I looked at what areas there are in Charlotte to hike, and narrowed it down to Ribbonwalk Nature Reserve.. It was easy to get to, a decent length to hike, and when I looked at pics online, it looked a little creepy, but not overwhelmingly so.

It was an extremely hot day, and I’m not going to go into why I didn’t have water on me, but the canopy of trees kept me sufficiently cool that I wasn’t on the verge of dehydration or heat stroke.

I checked out the trail courses before I went in, which was somewhat helpful, but not quite as helpful as I pretended it was going to be. Apparently, the first trail I went down, wasn’t even a trail, as much as an unofficial path that enough souls had cut through, so as to keep greenery from growing on it.

As I walked, I took pictures, and asked myself, “Why am I out here?” The most satisfying answer I came up with was “To be here and enjoy the fresh air.” And I did. And I also noticed some familiar thoughts coming to me. An ex-girlfriend used to love to go to the beach in the off-season - usually, the first week of December, and I used to love that trip because it was too cold to get in the water. So it was a great time to do nothing but rest and reflect.
When I would actually go outside, and sit by the beach, I would enjoy just observing the waves crash, reflecting on what I was seeing. The consistent thought that hits me in natural environments is that nothing is trying to impress. Everything is just a tiny part of a big ecosystem. It doesn’t have any grandiose purpose. It just shows up, and does it’s work. A wave is not a wave, but a bunch of water droplets moving in the same direction carrying all kinds of things to and fro. A tree doesn’t go anywhere. It blooms where it is “planted”, and just grows. Its leaves purify the air. It feeds on things. Things feed on it. And then it dies. Bugs burrow in the decaying logs Fungi show up to break it down, and it fertilizes the next beautiful thing that will grow. It just does its job. And it’s impressive. I’m not sure what the best tree is. I wouldn’t event think to call one more important than another, or have a metric to decide that. In nature, things just are. Things just do. And they are beautiful. And they are impressive. A lesson.

So I enjoyed my hike. I look forward to doing it more. If I actually go hiking, then I can honestly tell people, I love hiking, and can make plans to go more and be social about it. I haven’t decided what my next artist date is, but I’ll figure it out soon. I do plan to go to Carowinds by myself, and possibly a brewery tour, but I don’t think these will be the next excursions. I’ll just keep you posted.

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Investing In Myself: An Inexpensive On-line Course

Growing up, my dad was forced to work alongside my grandfather building things - like additions to their small rural home, a small church, and I’m sure a number of other things. My dad always explained to me that he did not always love it, but he learned skills that were very valuable for him as an adult. This is why he would force me to work alongside him when he was fixing things around the house and occasionally building things - furniture, a bar in the basement, a rabbit cage, a clubhouse for me.

At first, I didn’t usually love it, but sometimes I kinda liked it - more so the building, than the fixing. But now, as my dad intended, I know how to do a few things. So friends and family are often impressed that I know how to fix basic things around the house, and make simple things for myself - a desk, a rolling cart, easels, panels to paint on. If it involves wood, right angles, glue, screws or nails, I can probably build it or figure out how it’s done. Most of my creations are basic, but I think they’re cool, and people seem to agree.

A few months ago, while out having beers with a friend, I noticed a coffee table where we were seated, and thought to myself, “I want to make coffee tables” (I especially wanted to make them from odd or reclaimed materials). A month or so later, I got to paint a big picnic table for the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit. Seeing the finished product made me really want to get into furniture design and embellishment.

Painted Van Gogh quotes on table at Immersive Van Gogh Exhibition

Last week, I came across an online course that teaches Professional Woodworking for Beginners. I signed up as a small investment in myself. My goal is to watch the videos and share some aspect of my experience on Patreon. I might just talk about. Maybe recording something I work on. Maybe pics of a finished product. But however this works out, I want to share my progress with you.

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Beauty Changes

“I’m looking at [the images from our photo session]… I wish I could lay on myself and take a nap. I look squishy plump and soft, and I just want to go to sleep on my belly.“

Our body is a vessel that carries us through life, and there is something spectacular about being able to look at ourselves and enjoy the journey we’ve been on, and the vessel that got us here. To see in our physical, a revelation of our circumstances, our habits, and our experiences.

There is something beautiful about relaxing in who we are. Accepting ourselves. Not meaning that we don’t need to make changes. Just meaning we are not overly harsh with ourselves, understanding that everyday we are who we are. We are enough today, and by how we choose to use today, we can be even better tomorrow.
And truthfully, there are some ways we won’t necessarily be “better” tomorrow. Just different.
But hopefully, that reminds us that there are more things to focus on than just our physical appearance.


When I stand naked in the mirror, and allow myself to see myself clearly, I am exposed. I am reminded of who I am. I am reminded that there are things I can control, and things I cannot.
They say beauty “fades”. I disagree.
I think beauty just “changes”.

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Take A Brief Pause

A month (or two) ago, a friend invited me to go hiking at this trail at South Mountain State Park - about an hour outside of Charlotte, NC where I live. I don’t often do the hiking thing, but I do enjoy nature when I’m forced to be in it. I enjoy times where I can just pause and enjoy life without pressure.

It felt so good to be in nature. To walk. To smell fresh air. To watch natural things grow, and be consumed by natural processes. It was a treat to have inspired conversation with a friend, and talk about growth, and goals while exerting effort to walk up a mountain.

It feels so good to disconnect from all of the made up constructs that occupy our time in the world. Getting away from screens, and traffic, and housing developments, and jobs! Just being able to enjoy the things that exist! Things that work at their own pace. Things that aren’t on anyone else’s time. Things that just BE. Just ARE. That’s ultimately what I want to be. Someone who understands my inherent value, and learns to show up fully, and be valuable as I am. It’ll be a while, but I’m working on it.

Enjoy the pics!

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Simple Things

‘I like big mugs, and I cannot lie…”

‘I like big mugs, and I cannot lie…”

The irony of buying a Dunkin Donuts mug in order to encourage the habit of making my own coffee in the morning.

It’s amazing how much this small step - of making my own coffee in the morning empowers me. Dunkin Donuts is walking distance from my house, so the simple “chore” of making sure I have the few ingredients to make a cup of coffee requires a certain amount of discipline.

As I get older, I get more and more frustrated paying for things and not getting exactly what I want.
Occasionally, my coffee isn’t what I want it to be. Too sweet, to weak, too much cream. How are we getting this wrong? The person behind the counter may care about their job, but they don’t really care about my coffee. And while I generally think they make a great cup of coffee, it’s not perfectly the way I want my coffee to be.

That makes me think, with a little effort, I can always have the PERFECT cup of coffee!
So what does that taste like?

The thought that with some effort, I can create things EXACTLY as I want them is fueling me to be more disciplined about creating routines. Giving thought to the simple powers I have in my life makes ponder in what ways can I take control, and make my life EXACTLY as I want it to be?

My Dunkin Donuts mug is perfect. As will be the coffee I make and pour into it every morning.

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Test Drive Your Dreams

It was recently brought to my attention that I really don’t allow myself to get excited about much. I protect myself from disappointment, by keeping my expectations low. Too often, I live my life being comfortable with the bare minimum. It is infrequent that I think in terms of possibilities and excitement. Part of this is a personal coping mechanism that I have perfected. Also, growing up, I got a lot of messaging telling me this was somehow virtuous. But I see that it has not only steered me away from living a life that reflects what I feel I am capable of, but it also steers me toward self-destructive behavior.

Unlearn behaviors…  STOP limiting yourself.

Unlearn behaviors… STOP limiting yourself.

I need to allow myself to be excited by the possibilities in life! With childlike excitement, I want to get back to imagining the most amazing version of my life, and the things in it. I know that part of what will help me do this, is making a point to identify what I want, and visualizing it. In a few areas of my life, I have already experienced how having a “compelling vision” for my life creates excitement, and helps me overcome the fear of change, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, fear of success. Being able to see clearly - in my mind’s eye - exactly what it is that I want, has made it incredibly easy for me to progress in new directions.

Another thing that I’ve realized is that I don't have to be able to fully actualize my dreams before I can have a taste of things I want. It reminds me of a test drive, or an open house. These experiences are excellent selling tools, because they get ALL of your senses involved. When you test drive a car, or walk through a staged model home, you are being exposed to as much sensory information as possible. Being able to experience the thing makes it more real, and intensifies your desire for it! Not only do you get to feel the experience, you can decide whether it’s really what you expected it to be, or if you need to tweak it in certain ways to make it perfect for you. Contrary to popular belief, I’m learning that nothing has to be an eternal commitment. And I can experience the thrill of an experience well before I am able to achieve it in its fullest form. I can stay in various hotels and Airbnb’s to see exactly what amenities, layouts, and locations bring me the most joy and pleasure. I can test drive my dream car to see if it handles the way I like, or what features give me a thrill. I can have clarity on which parts of experiences bring me pleasure, and what things diminish my enjoyment.

I have decided to Test Drive My Dreams. I’m compiling a list of things that I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m also making notes of small ways to taste the experiences I want to have. It will help me get clear about what I really want, and it will give me the satisfaction of experiencing my dreams today - instead of deferring them until I’m in a completely different place financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

I intend to share some of these experiences here, so I hope you will follow along with the journey. Perhaps you will be inspired to Test Drive Your Dreams as well!

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Body Of Clay f/Kendy

I love photographing nudity as an extension of nature!
Reading some elementary school info about why dirt is so important (and beautiful) took me back to my shoot with Kendy.

“Dirt, or soil, is a mix of eroded rock, mineral nutrients, rotting organic matter, water, air and lots and lots of small living organisms.

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Looking closely at dirt, not all dirt is the same. If you cut down into the soil, you would see many layers. 

The topsoil layer is made up of rotting organic matter from the litter layer and minerals from rocks that are weathering and breaking down over time into little bits. The rotting organic matter helps the soil hold water so it is good for growing plants. In turn, growing plant roots anchor the topsoil and keep it from being blown and washed away by weather.

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The top two layers are very important to life on Earth. They are full of living things like earthworms, insects, fungi and bacteria. Every inch of soil is full of living things. One scoop of soil can have millions of bacteria and other helpful microorganisms that are busy decomposing leaf litter into usable nutrients. The nutrients dissolve in the water in the soil and the trees and plants suck them up into their roots and use them to grow.

The most fertile soil is dark and crumbly and looks a lot like a rich chocolate cake.

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Dirt is the very base of life on Earth because it has most of the important nutrients in which plants need to grow. Those plants in turn feed animals and us. So really, the nutrients in the soil will someday end up in you!

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