Beauty Changes

July 1, 2021

“I’m looking at [the images from our photo session]… I wish I could lay on myself and take a nap. I look squishy plump and soft, and I just want to go to sleep on my belly.“

Our body is a vessel that carries us through life, and there is something spectacular about being able to look at ourselves and enjoy the journey we’ve been on, and the vessel that got us here. To see in our physical, a revelation of our circumstances, our habits, and our experiences.

There is something beautiful about relaxing in who we are. Accepting ourselves. Not meaning that we don’t need to make changes. Just meaning we are not overly harsh with ourselves, understanding that everyday we are who we are. We are enough today, and by how we choose to use today, we can be even better tomorrow.
And truthfully, there are some ways we won’t necessarily be “better” tomorrow. Just different.
But hopefully, that reminds us that there are more things to focus on than just our physical appearance.

When I stand naked in the mirror, and allow myself to see myself clearly, I am exposed. I am reminded of who I am. I am reminded that there are things I can control, and things I cannot.
They say beauty “fades”. I disagree.
I think beauty just “changes”.

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Take A Brief Pause

June 3, 2021

A month (or two) ago, a friend invited me to go hiking at this trail at South Mountain State Park - about an hour outside of Charlotte, NC where I live. I don’t often do the hiking thing, but I do enjoy nature when I’m forced to be in it. I enjoy times where I can just pause and enjoy life without pressure.

It felt so good to be in nature. To walk. To smell fresh air. To watch natural things grow, and be consumed by natural processes. It was a treat to have inspired conversation with a friend, and talk about growth, and goals while exerting effort to walk up a mountain.

It feels so good to disconnect from all of the made up constructs that occupy our time in the world. Getting away from screens, and traffic, and housing developments, and jobs! Just being able to enjoy the things that exist! Things that work at their own pace. Things that aren’t on anyone else’s time. Things that just BE. Just ARE. That’s ultimately what I want to be. Someone who understands my inherent value, and learns to show up fully, and be valuable as I am. It’ll be a while, but I’m working on it.

Enjoy the pics!

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Simple Things

February 24, 2021

The irony of buying a Dunkin Donuts mug in order to encourage the habit of making my own coffee in the morning.

It’s amazing how much this small step - of making my own coffee in the morning empowers me. Dunkin Donuts is walking distance from my house, so the simple “chore” of making sure I have the few ingredients to make a cup of coffee requires a certain amount of discipline.

As I get older, I get more and more frustrated paying for things and not getting exactly what I want.
Occasionally, my coffee isn’t what I want it to be. Too sweet, to weak, too much cream. How are we getting this wrong? The person behind the counter may care about their job, but they don’t really care about my coffee. And while I generally think they make a great cup of coffee, it’s not perfectly the way I want my coffee to be.

That makes me think, with a little effort, I can always have the PERFECT cup of coffee!
So what does that taste like?

The thought that with some effort, I can create things EXACTLY as I want them is fueling me to be more disciplined about creating routines. Giving thought to the simple powers I have in my life makes ponder in what ways can I take control, and make my life EXACTLY as I want it to be?

My Dunkin Donuts mug is perfect. As will be the coffee I make and pour into it every morning.

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Test Drive Your Dreams

January 12, 2021

It was recently brought to my attention that I really don’t allow myself to get excited about much. I protect myself from disappointment, by keeping my expectations low. Too often, I live my life being comfortable with the bare minimum. It is infrequent that I think in terms of possibilities and excitement. Part of this is a personal coping mechanism that I have perfected. Also, growing up, I got a lot of messaging telling me this was somehow virtuous. But I see that it has not only steered me away from living a life that reflects what I feel I am capable of, but it also steers me toward self-destructive behavior.

Unlearn behaviors… STOP limiting yourself.

I need to allow myself to be excited by the possibilities in life! With childlike excitement, I want to get back to imagining the most amazing version of my life, and the things in it. I know that part of what will help me do this, is making a point to identify what I want, and visualizing it. In a few areas of my life, I have already experienced how having a “compelling vision” for my life creates excitement, and helps me overcome the fear of change, fear of disappointment, fear of failure, fear of success. Being able to see clearly - in my mind’s eye - exactly what it is that I want, has made it incredibly easy for me to progress in new directions.

Another thing that I’ve realized is that I don't have to be able to fully actualize my dreams before I can have a taste of things I want. It reminds me of a test drive, or an open house. These experiences are excellent selling tools, because they get ALL of your senses involved. When you test drive a car, or walk through a staged model home, you are being exposed to as much sensory information as possible. Being able to experience the thing makes it more real, and intensifies your desire for it! Not only do you get to feel the experience, you can decide whether it’s really what you expected it to be, or if you need to tweak it in certain ways to make it perfect for you. Contrary to popular belief, I’m learning that nothing has to be an eternal commitment. And I can experience the thrill of an experience well before I am able to achieve it in its fullest form. I can stay in various hotels and Airbnb’s to see exactly what amenities, layouts, and locations bring me the most joy and pleasure. I can test drive my dream car to see if it handles the way I like, or what features give me a thrill. I can have clarity on which parts of experiences bring me pleasure, and what things diminish my enjoyment.

I have decided to Test Drive My Dreams. I’m compiling a list of things that I’ve always wanted to do, and I’m also making notes of small ways to taste the experiences I want to have. It will help me get clear about what I really want, and it will give me the satisfaction of experiencing my dreams today - instead of deferring them until I’m in a completely different place financially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.

I intend to share some of these experiences here, so I hope you will follow along with the journey. Perhaps you will be inspired to Test Drive Your Dreams as well!

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Body Of Clay f/Kendy

September 3, 2020

I love photographing nudity as an extension of nature!
Reading some elementary school info about why dirt is so important (and beautiful) took me back to my shoot with Kendy.

“Dirt, or soil, is a mix of eroded rock, mineral nutrients, rotting organic matter, water, air and lots and lots of small living organisms.

Looking closely at dirt, not all dirt is the same. If you cut down into the soil, you would see many layers.

The topsoil layer is made up of rotting organic matter from the litter layer and minerals from rocks that are weathering and breaking down over time into little bits. The rotting organic matter helps the soil hold water so it is good for growing plants. In turn, growing plant roots anchor the topsoil and keep it from being blown and washed away by weather.

The top two layers are very important to life on Earth. They are full of living things like earthworms, insects, fungi and bacteria. Every inch of soil is full of living things. One scoop of soil can have millions of bacteria and other helpful microorganisms that are busy decomposing leaf litter into usable nutrients. The nutrients dissolve in the water in the soil and the trees and plants suck them up into their roots and use them to grow.

The most fertile soil is dark and crumbly and looks a lot like a rich chocolate cake.

Dirt is the very base of life on Earth because it has most of the important nutrients in which plants need to grow. Those plants in turn feed animals and us. So really, the nutrients in the soil will someday end up in you!

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CHD:WCK! X HOLLIS AUSTIN 2018

February 28, 2020

(NSFW)
I’ve been sitting on this way too long!

HOLLIS AUSTIN is an amazing lettering artist and sign painter, currently based in New Orleans, LA. Back in late 2018, when we were studio mates, Hollis decided to make some fun, affordable, wearable art for those who would be passing by her studio during an event. She hand-painted a bunch of fun phrase necklaces, and when I saw them, I just knew I had to photograph them draped ALL over a voluptuous nude figure.

Below is the result. I hope you enjoy!

Check out more of Hollis’ work at www.austinlettering.com

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OVER-EAGER ABOUT WHAT?!

February 24, 2020

I have had interactions in real life where I run into people I haven’t seen or heard from in years, and they’ll say to me, “I’m loving what you’re sharing on (social media platform) with (insert recent creative projects…).”
I’ve also heard friends express fear of telling someone how much they love their work, stating “I don’t want to seem weird.” And I think to myself, ‘Weird about what? This person does a thing, and they share it with the world. You genuinely love it! Why would that be weird?’
So on Instagram, I decided to pose a question:

”Do you ever feel like enthusiastically telling someone how much you like what they do, makes you look over-eager?”

When the poll ended, with 80 people responding, nearly 60% percent said that they felt strange about expressing honest love or appreciation for people’s work. While I suspected I might get this response, it hurt me to the core.

WHY? If you genuinely love what someone does, why wouldn’t they want to know that? Most creatives regularly fluctuate between a reasonable level of confidence to crippling self-doubt. Western Society is especially guilty of undervaluing the importance of music, visual art, and literature. While we constantly consume these things and refer to them as our culture, we discourage people for pursuing their passions to contribute in these areas. Corporate Executives make a living exploiting the work of creatives, while encouraging the labeling of creatives as “Starving Artists”. Even many successful artists regularly struggle over whether they should continue, whether what they’re doing is worth all the hard work that goes into it.

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!!!
If someone is doing something, and it makes you feel good, you think it’s done beautifully, or you see it as valuable, PLEASE LET THEM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT! Knowing that we’re doing something that matters helps keep artists going. Most artists create because something internal compels them to create something they may personally NEED to see. They share their work in hopes that others connect with it as well, and perhaps people will purchase the works, which will enable them to keep creating from an honest space.

The importance of an artists work is not always reflected in sales. But knowing that people appreciate the work being made gives an artist fuel to continue investing in themselves, to continue being vulnerable and honest with the world, and to continue sharing the beauty they create! Never feel weird in telling someone how much you appreciate what they do!

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I AM ALREADY ENOUGH...

January 27, 2020

Note to Self:

I am abundant in my ability to create Value.

I have enough materials
I have enough ideas
I have enough connections
I have enough energy
There are infinite possibilities I don’t even know about
I have enough knowledge to get started
I have enough intelligence to ask good questions
I have an abundant capacity to learn
I have enough help
I have the capacity to ask for more help

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Smelling The Roses

January 23, 2020

When I first picked up a camera, I did what I could without the assistance of others - I walked around and took pictures of anything that seemed interesting.

Living in East Orange, NJ, I would start in my neighborhood, go toward Newark or New York City, and photograph whatever caught my interest along the way. I would take pictures of cracks in the sidewalk, dilapidated walls, neglected buildings , foliage growing out of unexpected places, rusty mailboxes, and sometimes random people on the street. I photographed things that inspired me, like graffiti, odd phrases, or things that seemed to have a different meaning when I could isolate them from their surroundings.

As I worked to develop my skills photographing people, my photographs of inanimate objects got neglected, when really the strength of my people photography, is that I “objectify” my subjects, I photograph them as if they were beautiful, interesting objects.
I came to realize that really, what feeds my soul is focusing my photographic eye on textures and forms, and the neighborhood photowalks are really something that I miss.

More recently, I realized that, for me, photography is a way to slow life down. As the years go buy, looking back through my photographs helps me remember “where the time has gone.” It reminds me of moments and places I’ve seen but forgotten. It reminds me of people I’ve met. It reminds me of venues and communities that no longer exist. It reminds me of relationships I’ve enjoyed with people, good times I’ve had.

In a way that is similar to how smells can trigger memories, photographs - even the ones of simple things, help me recall experiences and places that I had forgotten. Having more memories makes life feel full again. It feels less like my life is speeding past me.

It is very satisfying to use my camera to “stop and smell the roses".

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Her Name Means "LOVE".

January 17, 2020

“Cool…. Just like her… syncopated cacophony. Powerful, bold, smooth, pushing boundaries, beauty!” - Karen Young — “Cool…. Just like her… syncopated cacophony. Powerful, bold, smooth, pushing boundaries, beauty!”
- Karen Young

IFE - While capturing the beauty of this bold and radiant young woman, I asked a few questions about her passion for dance.

Why is dance magical?
Dance is magical because it transcends the physicality of the dancer. To see someone dance is to experience their truths, histories, identities, epistemology. It is raw, organic and unforgiving.

What impact do you want to have on the dance community?
I want to provide access and professional opportunities to/within the arts, especially for black and brown bodies.

Who is your favorite famous dancer?
Currently, my favorite choreographers are Parris Goebel and Chris Gayle.

Who is your favorite local dancer?
Locally, my favorite is LeDarius Parker (Greensboro).

What Opportunities have come with being a full-figured dancer?
Opportunities that have been pre-professional work, attending the inaugural MFA Dance Program at Duke University, running my own company that travels and performs showcasing physical inclusivity in dance, teaching - getting to guide people to a fuller version of self.

What myths would you like to dispel for full-figured dancers?
Plus-size/full-figured women are able to do whatever the fuck they want to do! Intentionally. Confidently. And without need of approval.

See more of Ife here.